After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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