I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
