you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize