On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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