I am puke
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
