two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
