Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
