So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize