Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
