He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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