I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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