Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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