Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
