i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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