couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
