This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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