About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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