you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
