So drunk its hurt
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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