My underwear smells like fireworks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We had sex on a dog bed..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
