you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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