don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
