bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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