She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
