ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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