I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
