would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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