I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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