Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
