I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
