So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
