Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
