You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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