im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize