Non-Jews are for practice
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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