he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
