he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
