dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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