he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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