The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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