I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
