isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
