STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
