His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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