I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
