Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
