hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
