I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You don't make any sense
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