So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize