Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
