Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
