I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
