In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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