The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
