i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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