did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
that is very illegal...i love you.
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