could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
